My life is completely different than it was a month and a half ago. I’ve been meaning to write about it more, but due to over-scheduling myself and not exactly knowing how to put my thoughts into words, it hasn’t happened.
I frequently get asked “how’s the new job?”. The short answer, the answer I’m most likely to give, and an honest answer, is that it’s great. I am planning events for a nonprofit organization in whose mission I believe deeply. I am doing exactly what I dreamed about when I decided to study hospitality management. I get along with my coworkers and am loving my new schedule. It’s great.
The problem is that change, even positive change, is difficult. I am very hard on myself when I mess up and messing up, to some extent, is inevitable. Most days, I’m faced with a situation reminiscent of Cady’s in Mean Girls when she’s chastised for using green pen and asking for the bathroom pass. I’m still figuring out where I fit in.
I am working out how to give my 100% at work without giving 100% of myself to work. I am struggling as much as ever with time-management and self-care. I have the new problems of budgeting and spending to worry about. You could argue that I’m incapable of just being happy. I am working on that, amongst other things.
Now that I have time to myself, I’m constantly thinking about long-term goals and dreams. It stresses me out because I really don’t know what I want. In so many ways, I’m way behind where I thought I’d be at age 31. Yet, I’m happier than I could have ever imagined. I’ve been thinking a lot about not just what I want, but why. I realize that I’ve been searching for the “Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything” when I should have been searching for the question.
It’s dinner time so those questions will have to wait for another day.